Brother For Sale !!

He is a Man with all the answers. The most annoying person in the world I have ever met. The problem with him is he is so Bloody Mean. Total Stupid emotionally and financially draining on all the family members. Listens up songs of YO YO Honey Singh even in the Toilet and that too so loud that he can wake up the dead.
But WAIT!
You can learn a lot from him. He is a Superb psychological manipulator!
One day I asked him generally, How do you manipulate things? How are you so good at it? 
And look what I found!
A brief of how he controls :
> Positive Topping Up : includes praise/compliments, sympathy ( crocodile tears).
> Negative Topping Up : includes swearing, emotional blackmail, yelling or the great silent treatment.
RULE NUMBER 1 : Lying or Lying by omission.

When we were in school, we were taught to be truthful! Just say it whatever the truth is and everything will be okay! Then Why does every husband on earth says that her wife's dress doesn't make her look FAT!?
He Lies with so much confidence that creates self doubts that I would think for a minute  REALLY?? or he would lie with half the truth so that no one can prove him completely wrong.

RULE NUMBER 2 : Denial or Minimized Denial.

He will deny if anything wrong has been done by him even by mistake. He refuses to admit completely.
If he had said something harmful or something that should not be said, he knows how to cover up!
Well, That was not a taunt, It was only a JOKE! Why don't you people understand?? :-/

RULE NUMBER 3 : Be Inattentive.

Do not pay attention to the other person if you are losing the game. He doesn't listens to anything. And will start singing.. Whaaaaattt?? I can'tttt Hearrrrr youuuuu!??!! You're talking to yourself!

RULE NUMBER 4 : Change the Flow. Blame the Other.

Do not give straight answers to the straight questions. Find out something to blame the other person for anything. He has always applied this rule on me!
And I'm not AKON. You can't put the blame on me! :D
But he would put the other person into the anxious mode by taunting the other person about their personal issues which has no connection to the current situation and warning them that either Shut Up or your issues could go public!

RULE NUMBER 5 : Create Confusion.

He'll play the Dumb game. Start pretending as if you don''t know what the other person is talking about? And give stupid expressions like- What? What are you saying? REALLY?? :-/
This has always confused me! Whatever :-/

RULE NUMBER 6 : Guilt tripping.

Put the other person into the guilt mode by talking about some of the embarrassing moments of the past.

RULE NUMBER 7 : Anger.

If nothing goes into place, wishes not fulfilled, Get angry and leave the place!

Playing the victim role (poor me) : I am such a Beautiful person at Heart that I cannot stand to see anyone suffering!
That's why whenever he makes his face into an innocent one , I call it a puppy face, He needs Money!
And its my time to RULE on him!

Okayyyy! SO NOW is the TIME!
He's is sleeping in his room. I am gonna tie him tight and take him out to the road and see if someone will buy him.
LOOK!
He is not that expensive!  I have an amazing offer!
You can buy him on approved Credit! You can pay me next year!

He is not that Bad! He can help you in some of your work!
He has some technical wires in his mind! He can repair cell phones!Laptops!
YESSS! He can really do that!
Awwwwwmyyyyygodddd!! He repaired my cell phone once when it was on his death stage!And that too FOR FREE!
LOOK! He is not that expensive!
He can repair your stuffs!
He can boil eggs for you!
He can make omelette (if you can just cut the onions)!
He can work as a delivery boy and can get you YUMMY Chicken Rolls from the market!
He can load your favorite music to your pen drives!
He can help you clean your room,(if forced).
He can carry your shopping bags!(if you buy him a PIZZA).
He can be Super Protective sometimes without even letting you know!
He is a built-in-therapist, even if he doesn't know what to say!
We have a tons of inside family jokes which make us laugh to death! :D :D
 Whenever I am bored.. I Drive him nuts! And its so much FUN!
And I have just Realised!
No Matter What! I love him and he loves me too!!
BROTHER NOT FOR SALE! He is Priceless! :) :*